Cleaning
by SolarLunar
Summary: As he stared at the dripping pile of alien goo mixed with coat, Ianto knew he'd have his work cut out.


**Another Torchwood story I've found. And this time I checked what I was uploading :-/**

 **Anyway, this was written because that coat must get dirty. And because poor Ianto seems to be cleaning a place which _cannot_ stay clean. Enjoy!**

Ianto stared at the dripping woollen heap currently held in his hands, dripping through his fingers and onto the floor. He involuntarily shuddered as he felt a cool dampness soak through his own suit trousers.

He looked up at Jack, who displayed his best 'sweet smile'. He looked down at his hands. He looked up again.

"Please Ianto," begged Jack. "It's my favourite coat. I've had it for decades."

"And up to that point, Jack, you'd looked after it well." He sighed. "I can sew buttons back on.I can patch holes, be they made by bullets or claws. I can brush foliage and alien hair out of it. But this… may be a step too far," he warned.

And then Jack turned it on. His pleading face. The one which made Ianto take on probably impossible challenges. He hated it.

"Fine," he gritted it. "But no promises."

Jack switched back to a broad smile, almost as wide as his face.

"Life-saver Ianto."

Ianto shook his head as his boss walked away. He looked down again at the pile of cloth, buttons and… bright pink sludge-like goo. He hadn't seen the alien that the team had had to blow up, only saw the remains mushed into their hair, clothes and skin; Gwen was still in the shower. The rest of the team had accepted that their clothes were lost and had hurriedly put them in the bin as soon as they could, acceptably, get out of them. Only Jack was requesting a miracle.

Ianto sighed. He did like the coat. How Jack had made it survive so far was beyond him. But this, and the repulsive smell currently arising from it, was turning him green with every glance.

"Oy, Ianto!" cried Owen, as he entered the main Hub. "You think that's bad, you should see the SUV."

Ianto rolled his eyes as the doctor snickered.

...TW…

A few days later, Ianto was examining the new upholstery in the SUV. In the end, he'd cut away the worst of it, trying the limit the explanations he'd have to give when handing it into the garage. As it was, he'd already had to spin a tall story about multiple young children, pink icing and motion sickness. Mind you, the look he'd received was very understanding.

He felt a presence behind him and turned. Jack was on the edge of his personal space, an area the man seemed to enjoy. He surveyed the new interior.

"Good work, Ianto."

"Will still need a few days to air, sir."

"We'll live. I can use it as punishment for Owen when he gets too mouthy." Ianto smiled at this. "By the way, how's the coat?"

Ianto's face fell. The coat was currently in a bucket of water. Or more precisely, the fifth bucket of water. Soaking it just seemed to produce large quantities of pink water Ianto had no idea what to do with.

Also, it was currently on the roof. That smell.

"Getting there, sir," he answered.

"Good," replied Jack. "I like that coat."

Ianto nodded slowly as his boss left again. What to do?

...TW…

A week later, Ianto was coming down the stairs. He'd just finished cleaning out Myfanwy's nest and he knew he must have pressed some of her… leavings into his suit. Certainly smelt like it.

"Ianto!" came a loud voice, making Ianto jump and almost drop his bucket and broom. Now that would've been a mess he didn't want to clean up. At least, not again.

"Jack." He smiled politely the American, despite it being well after hours.

"How's our girl?" he enquired, looking up at the flying pet. Eventually, she got tired and landed in her nest, settling in for the night now she was undisturbed and her place was tidy.

"Producing well, sir." And, as if to prove it, he held out the bucket for Jack to 'inspect'. Jack, though, backed away sharply and held his hands out.

"Good," he responded, still smiling in spite of what was being held under his nose. "Thinking of mess, how's my coat?"

Ianto paused. He didn't know quite how he was going to explain it was currently in a tub of white wine. The internet said it could remove many types of liquid stains and, frankly, Ianto was willing to try anything at this point. It was just not something he wanted to justify. Not until the next budget review.

"Coming along, sir."

"Good. Weather's starting to get cold." Jack smiled and went along his merry way, leaving Ianto breathing out heavily.

...TW…

One more week and Ianto was facing down a weevil. OK, so this weevil had been their pet for a while as Owen examined his/her/its behaviour, but still, it was a ferocious sight. However, Ianto was a kind-hearted, decent and, above all, clean person and he was currently faced with trying to redressed him/her/it in a freshly cleaned, freshly ironed boiler suit.

After all, Torchwood wasn't needlessly cruel.

Footsteps approached, but before they reached him, he turned and motioned for Jack to follow him. Jack did so, all the way out of the basement through the Hub, to his office. There he was presented with a gift.

"My coat!" Jack exclaimed and hurriedly put it on. "Ianto, it's as good as new."

"As promised, sir." Ianto allowed himself a small smile at the sight of Jack twirling around in the clean coat.

"Knew you could do it," grinned Jack."

"Anyway, I'd best be getting on. Can't leave a cold weevil."

Jack smiled his thanks as Ianto left, only to bump into Gwen.

"You fixed his coat then? How? I need to get you on a few old stains. I have a party dress with…"

Ianto raised his hand.

"Before you go any further, two things. One, I may keep things tidy around here and that may include Jack, because goodness' knows, he part of the furniture, but I'm not a private cleaning service." Gwen opened her mouth, but Ianto continued before she could respond. "Two, I may not have properly cleaned his coat."Preview

Gwen frowned. "But that coat looks…"

"That coat isn't actually… the coat."

"What?"

Ianto sighed. "I soaked it in bleach, but the smell got worse and so I took the buttons off and…" He turned to look as Jack smartening the collar. "That's from an American fancy dress shop. With buttons re-sewn."

"Ianto!" Gwen sounded scandalised, but was still smiling. "What if he notices?"

"Then, he can have his old coat back. As soon as he works out where I've buried it."


End file.
